ALOHA!!!!!

Damn the weather,ballls!!
One minute your rushing to
close the windows before the rain gets
in and the next,you're sweating till
Kingdom come.
What the F**k !!!!

Anyhoos,the past few days have been
quite happening for me.
Went out with my mum,bro and godbro
on Saturday..Had lunch at this pasta place
in Taka then went shopping for my PJs..
I'm now wearing a nice pair of striped pink
boxers and a pink tank..
Real cute,I'm telling you..I mean the PJs.
Went to Heeren after to get Richie his slippers.
guess wad?? I didn't know you could put water
in the sole of the slippers and drink from it??
Man,you really gotta be desperate to drink from the
sole of your shoes..don't you think?
Ah well..The man's happy with the slippers,then it's ok..
While he was getting the slippers,I went up to Baby's
shop to pass her the soup I bought for her..
SO cute she was when I saw her.
I love her to bits,I'm telling you.

Sunday was really superb..Met the bonkers for a day out..
Had alot of fun at Minds cafe and shopping around..
Same ol' us..Arguing..Pairing up and walking..Laughing like
nobody's business..bitching and gossiping..;)
We sure as hell are guilty of that..
Met nesh and baby later that night..This is only the second time
their meeting and they're like buddies already..heh..
Good thing they get along..
We almost didn't wanna go home..;( It was damn saddening..
But oh well..15th awaits us..Another outting and I can't wait..

i can't remember what I did on Monday but I can remember
Tuesday though..
That was day mum and I went mad at the Bobbi brown makeup
counter..i simply love her makeup..To die for,I'm telling you..
Wednesday was spent with baby..
Don't really need to elaborate further so yeah..*grins..

Yesterday I sent baby to work and then went to Kinokunya
to look at makeup books to get equipped before school starts..
i gotta get every one of bobbi brown's books..
They're really good..Seriously..
Saw a few other fabulous books by this makeup artist named
Kevyn something..Gotta get that too..
Can hardly wait for school to start..
But I'm kinda scared..of meeting new people..No one i know's
taking that course too..Oh well..I gotta be strong and
independent..I've to stand on my own feet..
No choice,actually..

Ogey.i'm getting kinda lazy so yeah..
gonna go out soon..

toodles.

Got back from prayers at my uncle's
place not long ago.
Got pissed off even before the prayers
started.SIGH.

Just how could you???
I don't hate you.
I f**king hate what you did.
Pardon my language.
I'm just ticked off right now.

Tsk.

Anyway..I had a great talk with my
grand aunt whom I seldom talked to.
Now she and I are buddies.;)
I can talk to her about any damn thing
I want to.All she'll do is just be frank with me
and tell me her side of stuff.
She's really cool.

Tomorrow's a free day for me.
Don't gotta come back home early for prayers
because we had the last session today.
So I guess I'll be going out with mum.
She really needs to go out (and so do I)..
After that most prob I'll meet Chris and Casey if
they're free..
I'm dying for Fluffy.
FLUFFY...

Now you call.
And we're arguing.
Sigh.
Goodnight.

Alot of things happened suddenly.

-Out shopping with mum.
-Mum gets call from maid.
-Maid says my grandfather had a
coughing fit and then went silent.
-Mum starts panicking and asked maid
if he's breathing.
-Maid can't talk because she's in shock.
-We both panick and run to taxi stand.
-Waited one and a half hours for cab.
-Mum's friend went over instead.
-Mum's friend calls my mum and says
"I'm sorry,he's gone."
-Mum cries in taxi stand.
-I feel damn bad but trying to calm mum
down.
-We finally get into the cab and rush over.
-Police is waiting outside the house.
-They question her.
-She tries to speak while crying.
-I see grandpa.
-I cry.
-He's gone.

;-(

Goodbye grandpa.
But i know you're still gonna be around
to watch us grow up.
You lost your eyesight totally when I was 2.
At least you got to know how my brother and
I look like.
I'm only 19..and you thought I was in university
about 3 years ago.How cute you are,grandpa.
I'm gonna miss you.
No wait..I already do.
The last I saw you was at Christmas.
I meant to come down to see you that night with
mum.
But we were too late.You didn't wait for us.
I guess you chose that time for a reason.
Mum and I are just sad that no one was with
you at the time of your peaceful departure.
But i do believe somehow that your mum was there.
I do believe angels were there for you.
Singing for you.
I was in shock.
I never knew you were going to go that fast.
i always thought you were really strong,just like
your wife.
We didn't tell her you're gone,though.
I know she knows by herself.
She's quiet these days.No more hallucinations.

My suit is ready to be worn for you tomorrow.
So is mum's and godpa's.
I'm sorry Richie couldn't be here.
Dad too.
But you know we'll visit you together whenever
we can.
You know we will.
Everything happened so fast.
You taught me one thing though,that I always
never believed or just simply brushed off..
You taught me that you should always treasure the
ones you love and say everything you wanna say to
your loved ones before it's too late.
You also taught me that things happen when you
least expect it.
Now I know what to do and what to look for
in life.

My tears are dropping now,endlessly.
I just felt the need to put down my feelings here.
I hope you know how much I loved you and how
I loved to talk to you,even if it was about something
you were hallucinating or imagining.
Whatever you told me,I'd cherish it.
I won't forget it.
I won't.
You're always gonna be in my heart.
I will never forget you.

We know it is against your wish to be cremated.
We respect that,hence your burial tomorrow.
No matter how far we have to travel to get to your
place on earth,we'll do it.
You mean alot to us.
We thought no one would come to your wake.
But look at the turn out?
Everyone knew how good you were to us.
It was just your character to be wise,honest,patient,
and giving.
I know you had a tragic accident.
You fell badly into a drain after coming out from church.
You had a serious eye op that left you blind.
Yet you didn't give anyone trouble.
Mum said you never gave anyone trouble.
Even when you departed,you didn't trouble anyone.
We wouldn't have said anything if you did.

Grandpa,I can't say more.
I never really talked to you much because i only
visited you once a week when I was in pri school.
In secondary school,I was much busier and I seldom
came there to see you.
I regret that.
So what if you're blind? You still could feel my hands.
and you could talk to me.
I regret that..I'm sorry..I'm really so so sorry.
I know you won't hold it against me.
But I won't make this mistake anymore.
Even if your wife can't really see anymore,I'm gonna try
and talk to her everyday.Bit by bit,depending on her
mood.Sometimes she gets bad dreams and starts
screaming.I never once complained about that.
She can't help it.
In a way,she lights up the room in the morning.
You will know what I'm talking about when you come
and see her tomorrow.
For now,please try and get some rest.
It might be cold for you,though it's hot for us.
I've covered your brown box.I don't wanna say the word.
But to me,it's the brown box.
I've polished off the fingerprints,like last night.
I hope you like the box mum and I agreed on.
I regret not taking the white one though.
i thought you might get offended because the guy said
it usually is for ladies.
You'll have much more freedom and peace tomorrow.
Not to worry.
Once again,please try and rest now.
We're gonna do the same.
i want to have enough strength for you tomorrow.
I just want to.

Goodnight,grandpa.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Night night.

I'm feeling much better now.
I think.
I kept thinking and thinking last night
before I slept..Which was around 3..
This feeling of depression just came over
me..
I forced myself to sleep..
I listened to the same song over and over
again till I felt sleepy and just chucked the
ipod away.I didn't realise it was on repeat.
Sigh..

I got a million and one things to say..
They're at the tip of my tongue..No.wait.
Fingers,I meant.
But making you feel more guilty than you
already do is not gonna make things better..
Neither would I feel good about it..
Because you punished me for my wrong
doings in ways that I won't ever do to
you..

I'm still sore about it,alright.
I've forgiven you but I'm still sore.
It hit me very badly..
I'm sure what I did to you last time
was lingering at the back of your head for
a few days or maybe a week after it happened.
I won't question you anymore..
I'm tired..and I know you're tired of answering
my questions.
Oh wait..I have but one more question to ask you..
I guess I'll text you soon..

I'm supposed to go out with my mum..
But i'm rather reluctant(although it's shopping time)
because I know she wants to speak to me bout
something I really do NOT wanna talk about..
Well,maybe I'll talk to her bout how I feel and everything..
But she's jolly well gonna talk me out of it..
Tough luck,again.
I'd better win..
This is all up to me anyway.

nothing is worst than having a very very bad tummy
ache when you're about to go out.
Grrrrrr...

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck................
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.





Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't ever wanna say this to your
face...
THIS is what's in my HEAD..

"I think i'll get outta here..
Where I can run..Just as fast as I can..
To the middle of nowhere..
To the middle of my frustrated fears..
And I swear..You're just like a pill..
Instead of making me better..You keep making
me ill.."

I didn't mean every word in there..
I meant the first part though..
sigh..
SIGH..!!

I filed off my long nails which I took time
to grow..Just so that I won't do SOMETHING..
FUCK!!!!!

Nah..I don't think I have an anger management
problem..





Ah,FUCK..

Been two days huh..

Keeping myself busy with my friends
and baby..:)

Let's see.Tuesday afternoon was supposed
to be spent at church with Shal and Chris..
But since I had insomnia and only slept at
5.30..I happily woke up at 11.45 when mass
was at 12..
Perfect..Did not go to church..
Thought mum went also..so I called her
handphone whilst still in bed..
She answered the phone and then i realised
she was in the house..-_-
She was down with food poisoning..

So anyway..Chris came over and showered then
we went to Hougang Mall to meet Shal..
Had fun catching up with her..
But I didn't enjoy the malay emo guys
staring at Chris and us..
Why the hell do they have to do that when they
see other people with emo hairstyles?
Mad or just plain mad? You tell me..
But then i realised something,.
Thay have absolutely nothing at all to do..
No school..nothing..
All they do is hang out an wait for people to
come by so they can stare at them..
SIckening,I say..
Shan't say anymore..
(Don't exactly wanna get into trouble)

We left Shal at her house..
Then we train-ed to Bugis and met Casey
and Khai..Took a soot from Casey..
Felt a bit better after that..
I'm not gonna say that i'm addicted to it..
But I think I am..but then again..I know what
to do..not to worry,baby.
You soot too..;)
We headed to town after that..Looked around
here and there..
Saw many things I'd like to get..;)
Saw some stuff for baby too..
not gonna say what because baby reads my blog..
Hmm..

Didn't do much yesterday..
Just lazed around at home with baby..She was off again..
She stayed the night before and last night..
Now she's off to work..
And i'm off to meet mum for bra and panty shopping..
;)
Gonna be fun..

Okay..baby needs the goodbye kiss from me..
and more..

so..

Good morning my dearest com..

;)
I've been ignoring you..
for bout..hmm..1 day?
And I feel damn bad..
No hard feelings okay?
Okay..

The past 2 days were spent with
Baby..she was off..
We spent great quality time yesterday..
And I have to say that she's really patient
with me..when i looked at shoes and stuff..
She took the time to pick out nice stuff for
me..I did the same for her too..
She saw alot of stuff she liked..
But we were both broke so no shopping
was done..;)
Soon..soon..

Today..was holland v day..
went there with Baby and met Chris and Casey..
Had yong tau fu soup and felt abit bloated and
sick after that..so i kept drinking water..
Then Brandon came..poor fellow..argued with
Roxanne..Oh well..None of my business but..
Just feel bad for him..;(

Meeting Shal tomorrow with Chris..
Gonna go to church and meet my mum
there..Haven't chatted with her in a
DAMN long time..
Can't wait to sit and talk to her..
I know she's changed alot..
But it's for the better..
Oh..before going to church..
I'm hitting the gym with Chris..
I asked baby along..but she's scared she'll
be late for work..afternoon shift..
Speaking of her..she's supposed to be online now..
But she's missing in action..
;)

I'M BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Argh....
and i'm not tired..
I can't sleep!!!
kept getting up yesterday..don't know why..
SIgh..am I that stressed?
I don't think so..
It's minimizing..but why am I not sleeping well?
Sigh..

Oh well..off i go..
gonna look for baby..

Took these e few days ago at casey's house..
Just felt like putting them up now..
God damn it! I'm so bored at home..
But anyway I'm too tired to go out anywhere..
Seriously..
I'm very very moody and tired..
I think it's THAT time of the month again..
I soooooooo do not like..
I'm feeling very very bloated on top of that..
And somehow..any songs that have people screaming
and shouting just irritate the shit out of me now..
I don't know why..

I'm feeling so F**ked UP!!!!!
GGGgggrrrrrr...
There's no one online to talk to also!
Shall just wait for baby to get home and
go online so I can talk to her..
;)

Oh well..since I had a whole day of boredom..
It shall end tomorrow..
Made plans to go to casey's house for fondue..
Shall not eat the whole of tomorrow till the
fondue..That way I won't feel so guilty bout
gaining weight..
Thinking whether to bring my laptop to
casey's house again or will mum scold me
again??
I'm taking good care of this baby..
How the hell can I ruin it?!
SIgh...
Oh well..
Shall see how it goes...
Bloody dumb fuck!

Just felt like saying that..
Hee..