"Where'd you go..
I miss you so..
Seems like it's been forever..
That's you've been gone.."

I'm not taking it well..at all..
I miss her badly..
It just gets worse everytime..
I can't eat..I have to cry myself to
sleep..My cramps are killing me..
And she doesn't know about it..
She left before I could tell her..
I have no idea what she's doing at
anytime of the day..I don't know what
she's feeling..I can only sense it..
But how am I to trust my senses..?
That scares me..

I'm not liking every minute of today..
I didn't like yesterday..At all..
We had this steamboat thing at home..
and my god bro's parents came over..
With this guy..I don't know who..
and I didn't bother to find out..
My mum told me he didn't have a
family to celebrate CNY with..and so
they invited him over..
I felt bad for that guy..But you know what?
After awhile..the guy..I mean old man..
started to really really piss me off..
He was like..turning the steamboat switch
off and on and he claimed the soup will
boil faster..What the f**k?????
We set it to boil at 'high' and there he goes
making it lower and lower..
And poor everybody..
All were hungry and dying to eat..and this
'hero' thinks he's GOD..
Dumb..
Even my brother kept giving him this
wierd what-the-hell-are-you-trying-to-do?
kinda look..heh..;)
And afterward..When we were boiling the food..
He kept taking what's not his..
THen us??
For crying out loud..we had to hold the ladel
so he won't take it..
Jesus Christ..He ate ALOT man..
Sick fellow..
And today's really really bad..
I woke up with blood everywhere..
My cramps were terrible I couldn't get up..
I had no appetite and that triggered mum to
accuse me of not eating properly..sigh..
I miss every bit of her..
I miss that shy voice..
The complaints about this and that..;(
Ah well..
"I pray time flies faster and faster.."

I'm having a bad headache..
I think it was because I haven't eaten the
whole day..since that small cup of milo
at 8a.m..I feel like puking..
I just feel crappy..
Even ice-cream's a turn-off right now..
I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATEee this!!
@$#^$%^%^&878))*^%$@##$%..

I have NO life right now..I swear..

I have a lot ramble about..
Not gonna say everything though..;)

Went to watch Memoirs of a Geisha
with my mum yesterday..She die- die
wanted to watch the movie yesterday..
We went shopping before the movie..
and so as usual..I bought random things
I saw..But they were nice though..;)
My mum was smsing the whole time..
(she was messaging my dad)
And there I was just talking to myself
and I couldn't message because I have to
cut down on my smses...sigh..
Anyway..the movie was so moving..
(call me sentimental or whatever)
I cried abit at the last part..
I think my mum did too..
We are like that la ok..;)
We came home after the movie..
And I suddenly had a gastric attack...

Was supposed to meet nikk today..
But I had to cancel because of the attack..
She wants to change her name..heh..
I think that suits her better than Nikk?
Anyway..I hope I get the job soon..
I really need to be kept busy and I need the
money..
Oh..and I need to lose alot of weight..;)
Alot..

Oh yes..you know..some people make no
sense at times..and I'm talking about very
smart people..Poeple who know their work well..
People who know the dictionary from back to front..
people who know how to tackle every kind of
maths problem..
People who err..are supposedly born sensible people..
Hmm..You know..I don't know if you're going to see
this..but I have the same question to ask you as
someone else did..What is it with you people and
thinking whatever you think is the f**king right thing??
You're smart..yeah..would you like to apply some
knowledge of respect here? Or maybe..maybe you
just DO NOT KNOW anything about respect..?
Hmm..I think so..Such a waste..sigh..
It's so sad to know that you people have got nothing
better to do in life..Than to just blame people for
absolutely NO reason..Frankly..what have I done to
you people? I'd seriously like to know..
Enlighten me,won't you?
And oh..I'd like to know what my relationship with her
has to do with whatever shit you and your F**king
bitchified friend are going through...
I'd like to shove more things in your face..
But then again..I think I'd rather save it for the time
when this gets out of hand..
If this DOES get out of hand..It only goes to show
that you people are nothing but childish.pieces.of.
shit..
Stupid people should be left to do stupid things..
But smart people doing such stupid and senseless things?
And getting involve with other people's business..?
And making us the subject of your problems..?
That's a little something isn't it?
I think you both need proffesional help..
Seriously..I can recommend them to you..
You need..and you ought to be drugged..

Ok..Now I think you're worthless of me bothering about..
You should just F**K OFF and get your facts right..

Precious will be here before I know it..;)
I'm just waiting patiently..
But aftert today..it's misery till next week..
Sigh..

I hope I can get my hair done soon..
The colour's really fading..
and for God's sake you can see the black that's
grown out..YUCK!!
heh..;)
Ok..I ought to bathe RIGHT NOW..
bye..

Some random shots..;0

my room..? ;)


Yes..my messy com table..

The one I can't live without..Yani..(left) and Norizan..

We're meant to be..;) I swear.. The new fringe..;)


I got bored waiting for someone in the loo?

Euphoria..





Just some nice place..;)

Hmm..
Dad's gone to Frankfurt again..
He's lucky..gets to travel everywhere
and the company pays for the ticket..
He even went to Tokyo!!
That's my dream place to go!!;(
Nevermind..it's alright..
Soon I'll be able to go..;)

Anyway..I don't know what I've been
doing but I haven't had time to go on
the com..
Other than cutting my fringe..I don't
think I did anymore outragous things..
heh..;)
Thank God Precious likes it and thinks
it's ok..Even Gaya also said it was a
success!!! wow..
Anyhow..mum and I are thinking of
going to Malaysia to get our hair done..
Well..I think it's gotta be at the end of
the month..

On Sunday..I went to see SP band's
concert at the Esplanade..
Went with Precious..
Nadiah was supposed to go..But was
nowhere to be found..
Instead..we found some other ppl..
There was tension..
We hated it..The fact that we had to
sit with ppl whom we had tension with..
Oh well..
We had absolutely nothing to do with
them..So..No big deal..
After the concert..Precious and I
went to Suntec and had dinner..
After that..we went to TRU and
played around..bought what we liked..
and then went to the garden there
and took alot of pictures..will post
some soon..if I want to..

Hmm..yesterday..
I went for the shoot thing..
Man..I got a lot to say..
But..argh..the woman doing the
makeup and stuff was alright..
when it came to the hair...
That was when she proved that she
sucks at hairstyling..heh..
Seriously...It's too bad the cd of pics
won't be ready so soon I guess..
Dad wanted to see it.

I'm really bored and I think I'm
gaining weight..It feels like it..
But mum seems to think otherwise..
I just cooked a load of stuff..
(which are half gone,thanks to my
bro and mum)..
Hope she gets to come over and eat..
Ok..going the shops to get some stuff..
Toodles..

Oh My GOD..
I don't know what got into me..
I just cut my fringe..
Oh no..Oh geez..
And err..did I mention that I
did it myself?
My mum says it's new and nice..
My dad's not too happy..
Hmm..maybe the cut reminds him
of that china woman?
Uh huh..I think so..
Oh man..How??
I've got a concert to attend tomorrow..
I hope I don't look stupid at all..
Sigh..

What have I done....?
It feels different..

Oh well..Anyway..
I went out with Fido and Nori and Yani..
Had alot of fun so to speak..
We took tons of pictures and told lots of
ghost stories..heh..yeah..
Ghost stories over lunch..it was abit wierd..
But we really enjoyed it..
It was about how Fido's aunt saw 'things' at
the Red house..I think most people know
where it is right?
Hmm..well apparently..there are two
"monsters" there..with HUGE red eyes..
I don't know about you but I'm taking
her word for it..She said don't stare at it
in a perculiar way unless you're mentally
strong and very religious..
So that's maybe a No no for free thinkers?
I really'd like to go..
We're thinking of walking near it..
You think we can?
Well....we wouldn't know if we don't
try..hmm?

I hope tomorrow goes well..
I hope you can make it Precious..
I hope you'll like the mischief I did
on my head..;(
I hope we can find perfect clothes
for the little one..;)
I love you..

Alright now..
Just finished cooking for her..
I hope she appreciates my food..
unlike some @#^&*@ people we
know..
Now,now melly..No names..remember?
Right..
So I'm done with the cooking and
I is now watching 2 Fast 2 Furious..
Man..they're awesome..
I think maybe that's where my brother
got his inspirations from?
From what I hear..he's damn solid at
karting..I've yet to do that..I might
one day..;) the confidence is yet to come..

Dad just came back with my repaired
keyboards..Hooray..I've got something to
ease my ups and downs..;)
Well..mainly..there's been ups for me..;)
Dad said yes to me going to that school..
That's if they take me seriously..
It costs a BOMB and he said yes!..;)
Also..he's letting me go for the shoot which
costs quite a bit too..
Sigh..I feel kinda bad for all this..
But once I get that professional job..
You'll be going on your second honeymoon
mum and dad..;)
I'm confident in getting that job..
I'm not just gonna dream about it anymore..
I'm gonna make it happen..Like how I
made us happen..;)

Oh yeah..you know what?
I didn't know what got into me last night..
But I went to the fridge last night to look
for something non-fat to eat..
I thought of cheese..but then again..I saw
this very appealing can of tomato juice..
I lOVE that!!!!
So I took that and drank away..
Then comes my dad..
dad: "Hey..what you watching?"
me: "Some indonesian show that I'm trying to
understand?"
dad: "Oh ok then..I'm going to sleep..and did
you just drink a whole can of tomato juice?"
me: "Ya..why?"
dad: "Oh boy..Do you know that if you drink
juice at night..It breaks down to sugar??"
me: "Oh no...I forgot!!"
dad: "Oh yes..(shakes head and turns to my
mum) prepare yourself to hear this bum
complaining that she's gaining weight."
mum: "huh?? Goodnight!!"

You know what? I'm super guilty right now..
really guilty..and I didn't exactly cook
so many healthy things just now..
Oh boy..
Gym and rabbit food it is..;)
Chao!!

I hope my surprise
this afternoon was was a success..
But..argh..people were in the store
room..couldn't surprise her properly..
I didn't mean to lie..I just wanted
to surprise her..;)

Went to school for the CCA fair..
I went there to watch the performance..
Yani..you missed how good they sounded
even though they've bacome a small band..
Sigh..another time yeah?
Anyway..they sounded really nice..but
somehow..they sounded muffled..
They should've performed below the stage..
So they could BLAST away..;) heh..
Oh yeah..before the performance..
I happened to see precious at the back of
the hall..handling the boothe all by herself..
AND I MEAN ALL BY HERSELF..
I swear you should be dragged out on the
street and shot..
I think you know who I'm talking about..
You're left her to do the stuff..and you??
Man..you just parked your ass on the chair..
I'm not the only one coming after you..
and I'm coming after you for a good reason..
I'm not the only one who feels that you're
being a F***ing jack ass..
Other people saw that too..you want names?
Come talk to me..I'll give you names..
YOU better stop leaving her to do things by
herself..You're right you know?
Maybe if you want things to go YOUR way..
You SHOULD do them yourself..bitch..?
You think about yourself and what you do
ONLY..(No shit,balls!!)
You ought to sort out your prorities in life..
(If you have got any)
YOU suck..you really do..
Please take care of your behaviour..
Before you get hurt..;)

Anyway..After that tiring day..
We went for dinner..;)
Kimberly..Griselda..Imai..Precious and I..
We chatted..and I've come to find out
something..;)
GRISELDA..............Amanda??? ;)
Ha ha ha...
And I just had to buy a WHopper!!
Don't buy that unless your mouth is HUGE
and you're really really hungry..heh..
I felt sick on the way home..
I was FULL..and the ride was so damn
bumpy..;( I don't like..
When I got home..I was on the ferge of
puking and my dad shove's some fatty curry
in front of me..Yucks man..
I could see the oil..It's terrible please..

I'm quite tired..
From the running around and helping out..
I hope I did some good..because my
damn bloody muscles are hurting me..
BADLY..heh..
Ok..I wanna watch Swan now..
Just imagine..You want so much to get
sponsered for plastic surgery to reconstruct
your body..getting rid of every flaw that you
have..and when they operate on you..They find
out that you have cancer..
sigh..She must be emotionally crushed..
poor thing..
Is cancer developing in more people now?
That's everyone's fear isn't it?
Once you get it..your life's gonna be over
before you know it..;(
Tata..

I think this whole week's
got me dreaming..bad or good..
whatever..I keep dreaming..
Are you trying to tell me something?
I'm sorry..my connections with you
aren't that great,God..If I'm welcome..
Please let me know..and I will
make my way to seek forgiveness and
much needed help..
I think I'm moving too fast..
"Do one thing at a time" -Precious..
Yeah..she's right..I should slow down..
I can't have everything I want just at
one go..and it doesn't come to me just like
that..I have to work towards it..
That's what I'll do..

I wish I was still schooling..
I miss school..frankly..
the five years spent there were not
enough..I wanted out so much even at
sec 4..Now I'm wishing I was back in there..
I miss band practices..I miss playing around
in the band room..I miss my drums..my
mallets..my xylo..I miss my section..My whole
section..And the noise-makers? Christina..
I mai..Nadiah..Easwary..Karmini..
I miss them..The only fun I can have with them
is after their practice..We can have dinner..
Then it's goodbye till the next time I see them..
I can go back for practices..but..The security
guard..I don't like..I always have difficulties going
in..My attire must be proper..My hair? It's dyed..
They'll think twice looking at my hair..
Idiots.. just because YOUR life sucks in that
small box at the gate..You don't have to make
other lives miserable..you 'Jack in the box'..;)

Man..Why's the weather like that?
I thought it was supposed to be sunny all the
way now?
It rained just now..and the sun's deciding
whether to come out..Shitty-fied weather..
I wanna go to the gym..but I haven't gotten the
f***ing card yet..what the hell..Oh yeah..
I need to go get track pants..No way in hell am
I running in shorts..heh..

Argh..I saw so many nice clothes yesterday..
they were really my kinda things..
They sounded real cheap..but..
sigh..have to save save save!!
I'm on a budget now..I'm trying to save to
help pay for my school fees..
(if I manage to get in..) which are gonna cost
a whopping $2680..
I really wanna get in there..I'll work hard because
that's my passion I'm talking about..

Ok..I'm kinda really bored..
So I think I'll find something in the freezer to
cook..Everyone's taking a nap..
Yay..so the kitchen's all to myself ;)
Whheeeeee....!!!

You care..
So it seems..
But do you care about what's
going on in my life? Maybe..
Do you bother to put yourself
in my shoes? Didn't think so either..
You really don't know how it feels..
Sometimes..I think you should
just rott..Other times..I think I'm
senseless..No..I'm just plain
senseless..
Maybe this time..I'm the one being
self-centered..Maybe I am the selfish
person my mum and I were arguing
about..Maybe? Or is that a fact?
I'm starting to be convinced that it
is a fact..
Say hello to the selfish me..
I don't think about anyone
But myself..I put myself before
others..All the time..
Still wanna know who I am?
No? Ok then..You're normal..
Oh well..

I loved today..;)
I really did..
I had so much fun..
especially the lemon at the window
thingy..and the prints..
Nothing can keep my smiles away..
as long as she's with me..

I feel a headache coming on..
NO......I hate this..
GRRRRrrrr...
I hope you come tomorrow..
Then it'll be "Yessa!";)

I am bloody full..
and bloated..
Goodnight..;)

Sigh..
You teared..
How come? ;(
I'm sorry tonight I can't meet you..
I'm really sorry..
But there's tomorrow..and the day
after that..
You're upset..That I can feel..
So am I..
I hope things turn out alright so
tomorrow you'll be free? Sigh..

Just came back from PS..
I swear my dad was being all
self-centered today..
Today's my mum's birthday..
And he's decided where to go to
go for dinner..What irritated my mum
and I was when he insisted on getting a
new handphone today..Why today?
Tomorrow also can wad..DUMB..
We waited for a good half and hour
just so that he can get his phone..
I could see mum's face becoming red..
Yup..It's when she's really angry..and
many things are jsut waiting to leave her
head and mouth..but cannot..because
she's being restrained..Hmm..I recognized
that same face yesterday when she tried to
put me off on the spot..But I guessed as
much she wasn't expecting me to shout
back..Ah well..That's all over..
Feel free to try and flame me again,mum..

Dinner's at 7..and we're going to
Spageddies..I'm reluctant to go..
But sadly..I can't say or do anything..
I can only have her in my head the whole
time..After all..My family hardly talks
when we're together..just the 4 of us..
That's why I said it's gonna be really
wierd..we're gonna look like Zombies
at the table..No smiling..no laughing..
(unless someone cracks a joke)
Argh..we'll see la..

I've cried my share of tears..
Sigh.and I miss you alot..
I really do..;(
I'm sorry I can't meet you
tomorrow..you know I want to..
I just can't..Well..I hope to spend
tuesday afternoon with you..
Thank you so much for
understanding my dear..;)

Well..tomorrow..
I'm getting up early..
gotta meet my parents at PS..
Dad's getting a new phone..
Then me? ;)
Before that..they're gonna bring my
keyboards for repair..
Man..it's already very very old..
I hope it can be repaired..
I really love that old piece of shit..;)
Then in the evening..it's dinner with
the family..It's gonna be wierd
because it's been a long time since
my family went out together..
sigh..
Happy Birthday Mum..
You're 49..and I'm still 17!!
wheeeee..!!! ;)
Alright..I'm mean..I just need to sleep..

Earlier this evening..I had an arguement
with my mum..I was preparing my
chicken to cook it..And then out of nowhere..
"You know..nowadays you're so selfish.."
Like what the hell,please..
Then I fired her back..
"If I'm so selfish..I won't help you with
grandma anymore k? I'll stop keeping you
informed about her calling for you while
you're busy k?"
Then silence it was..
Then there was.."You always think about
yourself,you know that?"
And so.."Who's the selfish and self-centered
one? hmm? Why must you hide chocolates
in my room just so that Dad won't go at it??"
I wanted to scream somemore..But I took
pity on her because tomorrow's her birthday..
So I stopped..Sigh..I've never been able to
fight for myself..And since I've learnt how to..
I've been doing that..

I was watching 'Radio' just now..
About this severely retarded boy..
Who loves to watch the high school
kids play football..Then one day the
coach sees him and invites him in..
Eventually he became an Mascot..
(however you spell it..)
Then some boys tricked him
into going into the girl's bathroom..
I felt so sad to see him cry and sob
because he knew he did something
wrong..Poor guy..
I won't mind taking care of disabled
people..I have the patience..
I said..disabled..
Not mentally disabled..
Because frankly..I think I'm mentally
disabled myself..heh..;)
If my O level results prove me wrong..
I won't feel sorry for myself anymore..

Tired is me..
So to bed I go..with Precious..;)

Sweet dreams all Ye Faithful..

"To inject and infect. .
Dissect and bisect. . ."

"Seen through the eyes of such
different worlds. . .
But all with the same attitude"

Ah..just some random phrases
which I thought really made
sense? Don't get me? Nevermind..
Hmm..for the first time this week..
I wasn't all grumpy when my mum
woke me up..
Thank God she did..God knows what
kind of dumb and unrealistic dream
I was having..How come I always
get the bad ones??
No wonder..I'm quite easily disturbed
by scary movies..even if I've already
watched it before..I watch The Village
like some 2 years ago..and yet when
I watched it last night..I was still freaked
out..very much..heh..;)
and you know what?
Yes I'm nuts..
I'm watching it again..;)
I'm BORED la..heh..

I miss her..
I ought to be with her right NOW..
Sigh..
I hope I get to see her tomorrow..
But I've got doubts..Tomorrow's my
mum's birthday..
I'm still wondering if my brother and I
are invited to the lunch..
I sure hope so..
I heard he's bringing her some high-class
restaurant..;) heee..
But alright..if they want their private time
alone then nevermind la... heh..;)

Hmm..it's getting hotter and hotter now..
I don't like..
But I'll have every excuse to eat ice cream
whenever I want..err..the low-fat one that
is..;)
If i'm not lazy I'll make my way to the gym..
If I am..then ice-cream and TV it is..;)
ok..I'm getting scared by the show now..
Argh..I wanna go watch memoirs of
a Geisha..and In her shoes..
Badly..hmm..maybe tuesday she can go
watch with me..;)

I just came back from compass..
No..I didn't meet Precious because
she was forced to go to her aunt's
place..sigh..If not I think she could
meet me for awhile..; (
I miss her..
You know what?
I sense something bad coming on..
I really want to stop it..
I don't want history to repeat itself..
Not where this relationship is
concerned..I care alot for this
relationship..We'll have to
comprimise a little to go a long way
dear..
Anyway..I got mum's present..
with the help of the sales girl
irritating me..
DUH..I know very well how and
what a lipgloss looks like..
Did I even open my mouth and say
that the lipgloss tube was a nice
eyeshadow???
DUMB idiot..

Why are the shows on tv do damn
bloody BORING today!!!!!
Only the cartoons seem to be alright..
Sigh..
Tomorrow's Sunday..Do we get to go
out?? hmm..better not..save money..
I've got important things I gotta save
up for..heh..;)
I better head to the gym tomorow..
But what if there are old people there
hogging the machines and all?
Waste my time right?
It's alright then..I'll just use to bicycle
thingy at home..and the weights..;)
Should be good enough right?
Ah..whatever..
Just gonna bum around now..
TA!!

Well..
Yesterday was shopping in
Johor..But had to stop at a hospital
on the way to see my grandfather..
Who has a huge wound on his leg
all due to being stubborn..
I saw the wound and it was even worse
than how my parents described it..
It's terrible..It was deep and it touched
the bone..I saw the nurses clean it and I
saw the bone..revolting I tell you..SICK..
And of course my Dad didn't see it
because he can't see blood..He might just
land up next to his father after seeing the
wound..
When he put his specs on and looked at me..
He gave me this sad face and said.."Melly
girl..Come here..Please hug Papa? Kiss me?
Kiss me?" For a moment there..I really
wanted to just smash his head..
Because before going to see him..
My grand aunties were outside..(I've not
seen them since I was 4 by the way)
After the chatting and everything..
They told my dad that they had
something to tell him..Then they told him
that they gave 1000 ringgit to my grandfather..
Because he put on this sad face and said that
No one is paying for the medical bills and drugs..
Come on MAN!! If my dad isn't paying a fortune
every month..Where's the money going to then?
It was lunch time so the awful-tasting food came
for him..We were wondering why his hand was
under him the whole time..while eating with the
other..THEN..we knew why..He's trying to hide
the money..He didn't mention anything about it..
We're wondering what he intends to do with the
money..Is it for the woman he's hiding?
Yeah man..I think soo..heh..;)
We wanna find out who that woman is..
And so..(since I'm good at this)
My dad's leaving it to me to find out
who that bitch is..yay..;)
That's another trip there for me..heh..
Anyway..after all that crap..
We finally went shopping..
Man..I tell you..the stuff there's really
cheap..Got alot of stuff..
Oh yeah..We ate at this sushi place and I
felt really bad because Precious wasn't with me..
After that long day of shopping..I came home..
And precious was waiting for me in the room..;)
That's why I told her..the favourite parts of the
day is when I wake up..and towards the end of
the day..because she's with me..
Hmmmm..ok..That's yesterday..

Today..
Nothing felt good till she came..
Poor thing had to do
"karang-guni-ing" today..;)
But I'm sure she had fun..
Because I did..heh..It was really
fun..but tiring..I took it as a lesson..
That if I decide to be super rebellious..
That's where I'm gonna end up..;)
I don't know how and why..
But I can always smell her scent
from my room when she opens the
gate..;) It's just simply soothing..

Hmmm..I feel like doing something
tomorrow..Well I have to..because
I need to get my mum's birthday
gift..Thank God I know what she wants..
(and can't get because she's to stay home)
So tomorrow I guess I'd like to roam
around looking at stuff..OR..I can find
some excuse or another to drag mum out..
and get the stuff discreetly..;)

Sigh..I didn't do much today and I'm so
tired..Ok then..I better start the diet and
exercise again..
And I better not stop this time..heh..;)
Alright already..my fingers are starting
to tremble..
Damn this stupid weather..

I've been thinking..
and I've come to a conclusion..
This is the second time she's done
this..
I should've known..She did it before..
and she did it again..You kept me
waiting..and you claimed you were
@#%#$%&*&%$#...
Please..SPARE ME next time..
You always think it's funny..
It isn't..You hate to be kept waiting
too isn't it?
Treat me like how you wish to be treated
alright?
The whole world doesn't revolve around
you...

Today was alright I guess..
But I got up from the wrong side of the
bed..I looked at my phone..No message
from Precious..Got worried abit and
messaged her..I kinda fired at her..
Then after my bath when I sat down..
I realised what I did..So I apologized..
She understood..and said it was alright..
Sigh..I felt really bad..
I hope I made it up to her when she came
over just now..
Anyway..I went to take a passport photo
for my condo card..
Yay..!
Now I can go to the gym and smimming
pool without having to borrow my dad's
card..;) Coolio!!!..;)

Tomorrow I'm off to Johor..
Damn it..
I HAVE to go see my grandfather..
All because my dad's too chicken to
meet his relatives alone..
Man..can't they drop me off at the mall
on the way to the hospital????
Grrrrr.....irritating..
I don't have a choice do I? I'll just GO
then..
I hope tomorrow turns out alright and
that I'll be able to meet Precious
tomorrow..;)
Tab tv's on now..
Gotta go!..;)

It's so terribly cold..
yet I wanna go out..
Sigh..I was supposed to go
to Johor tomoorow...But..
Somehow..(I don't quite get this)
My dad's going up there to see my
Grandfather with my Aunt..
And because of that..My mum and I
can't go..What crap is that?
For God's sake...
This soooo makes my day..
seriously..

I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..
I'm bored and I'm really cold..

Ok..I'm still bored..
That didn't help at all..

I miss my Precious..
I wanna drink strawberry float..
I wanna eat my Rose Delight Gelato..
I'm craving for these...
SIgh..Ok..
Back to the Tv then..

My eyes are red again....
And I had to meet them for dinner
with the bloody red eye..sigh..
Oh well..it better get better tomorrow..
Hmmm..I didn't wanna eat dinner..
Coz Precious didn't didn't eat anything..
Sigh..What's happened to her appetite?
Why doesn't she eat with us anymore?
What's wrong my dear?
She seemed pretty quiet today..
And then I realised why..
After dinner..imai went to
take the train..I was about to send Precious
off but she wanted some time alone..
The both of us..
She cried the minute we sat down..
She put her head on my chest and just
cried..
I was really shocked..I never saw her
cry that hard..never..
It was late and she had to go home..
So did I..now that Dad's home..
On the way home..I recieved the most
deepest of the deepest messages from her..
my eye was already red..I dared not tear
anymore..I held back..for her..
This is so difficult..but if it's for her..
I'll do it..
(Shut up if you think I'm sentimental..)

I'm really tired..i'm bored outta my pants..
Tomorrow's a public holiday..You think I
can get anywhere?
will it be pushy pushy?..
Sigh..I'm really really tired..
But I need to get out..
now..F**k off..;)

I am relieved..
I called everyone I knew
and asked if they had a text book
to lend Nadiah..
After calling and calling..
(Some were sleeping ALREADY)
I finally found someone who could
lend her the book..
I even went to Popular at J8..
Can you believe it?
Almost every Popular store in
Singapore does NOT have that book..
Sheesh..

So anyway..I just came back..
Went walking around there..
Bought a magazine and Korean
seaweed..heh..;)
Didn't really see anything nice..
Wasn't really in the mood for
shopping either..
Sigh..I'm really tired now..
But I don't really wanna sleep yet..
I feel like a piG..I'd better go for a swim
tomorrow..If it's not raining that is..
I need to lose alot of weight..
Since now Dad is home..
and Mum and I can't buy the pills..

Was actually thinking of going to
Borders to look at books..
(YES..I happen to have an interest in
books alright?)
That's to keep myself busy till it's time
to head to sengkang to meet Precious and
Nadiah to pass her my bag..
You know..If I could turn back time..
and go back to the beginning of last year..
I have a WHOLE SHIT LOAD of things
that I shouldn't have and things that I
should have done..
Like concentrating on my studies and not
bother about such people with "brain tumour"
Heh..I maid and Precious should know who and
what I'm talking about..;)
I seriously think I'm not gonna make it for my Os
and land up in ITE..I have NOTHING against ITE..
It's just that..Sigh..I wanted to go to Poly..
and do what? God knows..;)

Ok..There's homemade fruit salad outside I
hear..heh..;) I'm coming!!!!!!

I am bored..
Ah well..
You know..The closer we get to the
end of the month..the more scared I
get..Yeah..results..that's it..
i'm gonna blame it on YOU..
If I fail badly..Because I'm not dumb..
You kinda made me dumb..
heh..;) yeah..YOU did that..
Also..Hmm..use a better excuse next time?
Alright then..At least the next one won't be
or maybe is not... err...
sick? in? the? head? ..................

Anyway..I went walking around as I said
I would..I went with mummy..
We walked and walked..
We ate at some cafe and then had Gelato..
and I was FLOATING when I had
this 'rose delight' thingy..It tasted so so nice..
I'm definitely going back for more..;)
Heh..we walked somemore and then
I found three LOVELY gothic shops..
They had everything I ever wanted..
Gotta talk to Dad about the dough first..
Heee...;)

I miss my Precious..alot..
She's sick..Sigh..Virul infection..
She said it's contagious but..
I'm not bothered..
I wanna be with her..
That's when Heaven comes to me..
And Im' hoping we can make it last..
And we will..If nothing comes between us..
like I said..
"We belong together.."

The TV's watching me..
I think I better go watch it instead..

;'''(

My precious just went home..
Sigh..and I miss her already..
I asked my dad for money for her
cab fare..and THEN he took the
opportunity to say.."hey! you're
phone bill's so high this month! And
you're taking extra money..!"
Bla bla bla..and so it went on..
But yeah..being me..I just took the
money and went in my room to give
it to her..heh..
What a noise-maker that man is..;)
Hmm..he told my mum that he can
give me money for the photoshoot
thingy for the model agency..
But since someone made me feel so guilty
about my phone bill..I think I'll just pass on
the once in a lifetime opportunity..!!!
@#$%^@#*(^%#....YEAH! That's right!

Ah well...tomorrow it's "jalan-jalan" day..
going with mum to god knows where..
heh..Nah..I don't expect her to get me
anything..I just wanna look around..
for this and that and see where sells the
most perfect stuff..heh..;)
I shall wear my punk-goth pants..
Surprisingly..Dad says it's nice..
But Mum insists it's wierd..DUH..
It's because she dresses to the nines
everywhere she goes..Even to the
market..I'm serious..I'm just gonna
let crazy people do crazy things..
If it pleases them..heh..;)
Am I being mean today?
I feel like I am..
See?? It's because I need my precious..
BADLY...;)

My tummy's growling..and it might
just erupt if I don't eat soon..
Oh yeah..Dad says I've lost alot of weight..
heh..;) whhhheeeee....;)
I just simply smiled and thanked him..
He said he's gonna get me that milk to
gain weight.....EEEEEEEeeeee!!!!!!
YUCK!!!! I don't want that shit!!!
I've still alot of fat to lose...WAIT!!..
I'll become super skinny then you know!
muahahhahahhaa....-evil grin-
Ok you know what? I think I'm really losing it
already..ok..
SHhhooo!

My swollen red eye's gone down..
That's good news..But I don't know
if I can wear my contact lenses out
later..sigh..I'm NOT going out wearing
my spectacles..heh..noooo wayyyy...

Anyway..my dad's back already..
Sigh..he HAD to wake me up right..
He just HAD to!! argh!!

I am soooo bored..
I just ate and i'm gonna exercise
later..Let me laze around first ok?
heh..;)
ok..bored bored bored bored bored
bored bored bored bored bored bored..
ok..shut up melly..heh..
BYE..

Dislocated..

I just came back from the doctors..
My mum's dislocated her finger..
And she's finding it really funny though..
She laughed about it from the time I got
home..to the time we came back fromt the
doctors..heh..;) crazy woman..but nice enough
to buy me a magazine..whheeeee!! ;) heh..

Anyway..earlier in the day..I went to town
with Fido Dido to look for a job again..but to
failed..Every single company's looking for
permanent employees..What the F**k!!
Whatever...LA!!!!
heh..I can't be bothered actually..
After not being able to get a job anywhere..
We decided to go shopping instead..
So we headed to Far East..I bought a pair
of gothic-punk pants and a gothic skirt..;)
Berly..I'm so sorry..I didn't see that tag..
If not I'd have called you out..WE DO NEED TO
CHAT!!;) hmmm...
After that Fido headed back home and I went to
Compass to meet I mai and Nadiah and Precious for
dinner..I mai looked different but purteh..;)
heh..we had fun talking and chatting and looking for
Nadiah's office wear for the grooming course thingy..
She couldn't find anything so I'm lending her my shirt
and skirt..
After that..It was quiet time for me and precious..
Sigh..she's really sick..She's got a body ache..A painful
throat and a cold..After dinner..I got her medicine..
I really hope and pray that she gets better fast..
I know she feels really terrible and I can't stand seeing
her like that..

My right eye's bloodshot red..
It hurts really badly..
and I think I should stop looking at screens..
So that's goodbye for now..