Shopping day..

What I got today;
Five black tops,(of course they're all different)
Black denim skirt,(which i'm gonna revamp)
Brown corduroy skirt;
Simple white gothic dress,
Nice and plain purple bedsheet,
The softest bra in the whole world,(it's black..duh..)
Black Stockings..

I wish I had more..but there were so many shops..
and so little time..hmmm..
But there's always tomorrow yeah?
I'll be going to town anyway..
The people from the face model thingy called..
I should bring my ma..I remember what happened
the last time..I went all the way there and they asked
me to bring a parent..So i'm just gonna bring my Ma..

Hmm..tomorrow's New year's eve..
A year's passed already..Fast ain't it?
A year that started out perfectly fine..
For a few months or so it was perfect..
Then it got worse..My studies..
Relationship problems..Paranoia..
and what not..
And so..towards the end..I thought..
This was the end of me..
But things got better and now..
And now I'm overjoyed..=)
(precious..i think you know why..)
But..sigh..I miss school..seriously..
If only I could turn back time..
I'd do it all over but this time even better..
I'd concentrate on my work..
NOT on people..I should've listened to Mrs poi..
She told me to end it..because she saw right through me..
She knew I was suffering..She knew I needed help..
The problem was with me everywhere..
I could've helped myself..but I didn't..
I chose to follow my heart(?)..
And continue with it..I pushed my studies aside..
Just so that I could have fun and go out..
Thank you for all that but it didn't do me any good..
What I needed was knowledge..instead..
I chose to walk the wrong way..
Whatever mel..Don't dwell on it..
You're happy now and you know it..
So forget bout all that?
Of course..why wouldn't I?

Ok now..I really don't know what to wear tomorrow..
To the studio..Damn..
Hey wait..I got new clothes right?
Heh..Shall just wear that then..
Alright now..Gonna have a nice looooooong talk
to mum about my uncle pinching her butt..
and she not retaliating..hah!

For my angel..;)

"Each day I live,I want to be,
A day to give,the rest of me,
I'm only one, but not alone,
my finest day,is yet unknown..

I broke my heart,fought every gain,
To taste the sweet,I face the pain,
I rise and fall,yet through it all,
This much remains..

Chorus;
I want one moment in time,
When I'm more than I though I could be,
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me..
Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with Destiny,
Then in that one moment of time,
I will feel,
I will feel eternity..

I've lived to be,
The very best,
I want it all,
No time for less,
I've laid the plans,
Now lay the chance,
Here in my chance..

*Chorus

You're a winner,for a lifetime,
If you seize that one moment in time,
Make it Shine..

Give me one moment in time,
When i'm more than I thought I could be,
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me,
Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny,
Then in that one moment in time,
I will be,
I will be,
I will be Free..
I will be,
I will Free."

-Whitney Houston
One Moment In Time-

;'(Mum..why are you doing this to yourseld and me?
You know they're making use of you..
Why do you still want to trouble yourself and go
all the way to Johor just to see an old saggy arse
with a mummified leg? Ok fine..the poor man has Diabetes..
But he brought it upon himself..He has my aunt and uncle to
look after him..Why trouble my mum?? Why? Her own mother
is sick too you know? She calls out all the time for my mum..
And what does my mum do? go out and have fun and leave my
maid to look after her..My grandma calls out perpetually for her..
And who sticks around to listen for her call? ME..If not for me..
No one can hear her call at all..My com happens to be near my grandma..
So when she calls..I go outside to tell my mum..The thing is..My grandma
mumbles her words..I can't understand a thing she says..only my mum
and maid can..I feel helpless..but the least I could do is listen for her call
and let my mum or maid know right? My maid's got to do housework..
and mum needs to relax..But when my grandma starts to tremble and shake..
My mum simply says.."Nevermind..It's ok.." I'm like.."What?"
What if she mumbles and tries to say that there is pain or she can't breathe properly?
How am I to know and how are they to know if they don't see to her?
Mum..you're so mean to her..Why not next time when you become old..
You be treated like how she is alright? By then it'll be too late right?
You won't even be able to speak and ask why you're being treated this way..
WHATEVER..I should just sit in a quiet corner and shut up..
Thanks for making plans with me Ma..and not sticking to it..
All because I'm trying to tell you that you're being made use of..
And you're not listening..

YOU are another one..stop treating her like she's dirt alright?
You're really a duck-necked arse who doesn't know what to do with herself..
Stop bossing people around..Do your own f**king duties and shut up..
Don't make other people do them for you..Just who do you think you are?
(Besides a duck-necked arse that is..) You think you've got high authority?
Dream on alright..You're way down below..Someone should tell you that nicely..
Before I do..and it ain't gonna be no sweet talk..
You BITCH..

Ok now..Today i was supposed to go to Expo to see the sale thingy..
But yeah..due to unnecessary matters..I didn't go..
Can't be bothered already..
Hmm..there's one more bottle of bacardi left in e fridge..=)
Better grab it..after all..I DO have a reason to drink..
I've asked Precious if I can drink..
she gave me a i-can't-be-bothered-so-do-what-you-want answer..
I think it's a no..guess I won't be drinking then..
I'll just glue my eyes to the TV..
Gee..that sounds like fun..
Now do you think I'm crazy?
Of course not..How can I be crazy?
Wanting to bring my tortoises for a walk is not called a crazy thing ok?

"Where'd you go..
I've missed you so..
'Seems like it's been forever..
Since you've been gone..
Please come back home.."

I'm cold..I'm sick..and I'm tired..
Give me money and I'll be miraculously fine..
Wanna cure me? Bring me a big sack of cash!!

From you..I only want one and only important thing..
Your love..That's all I'd like..
It's up to you to give me more dear..
I'd give anything for your love..
I've waited for your love..
Now i've finally got it..
I'm going to cherish it..
I'm trying to protect you..
Please let me? I never really got a chance to help anyone lately..
You mean alot to me..you're precious..
That's why I'm going to do everything I can for you not to get hurt..
I love you..
With every inch and depth of my heart and soul..
I'm missing you like crazy..But it's true what they say..
Distance makes the heart grow fonder..
I really believe in that..
I hope you do too?

Sleep well everybody..

whheee..

I am one happy girl..
Precious came over at 6+a.m..
It was so nice to feel her warmth after a week..
A week's a long time alright..
It's like a year for us..seriously..
She had to leave at 10..
But just thinking of us distracts me from the pain..
The pain of being away from her..

When she left..Ma told me to get ready fast..
Or she was going to leave me and go to Queensway..
(who would not follow their Mother out? free stuff!!)
Hmm..we went to the lawyer's office on the way to
discuss about something that's got to do with my grandfather..
THEN..we headed to Queensway..We had lunch at McDonald's..
Tried the new burger there..and pls..if you're thinking of trying it..
Buy it back home because it's really darn messy to eat..
After that..we walked around for awhile and then met Anne..my cousin..
She took about half and hour deciding on which shoes to get..
So...we did nothing but sit there and watch her grumble to herself..
I was smsing Precious and the poorthing was chased outside the band room..
I swear they're getting worse..YOU bitch..
Well anyway..I passed by this optical shop and begged ma to get me
a cool pair of contact lenses..Man..they DO make my eyes look bigger..
MUCH much bigger..;) No more small eyes for me..
Precious..they're only for you..and you alone..

After that..we actually wanted to go to the Expo..
But we got lazy and tired..So we headed to Peninsular instead..
Didn't quite like anything there so we left..
We spotted a Watsons store and went in..
Fancy a mother and daughter behaving like nine year olds..
We were playing around with the makeup..
Ma was playing with the lipsticks and I with the foundation..
I came out of the store looking like a camouflaged idiot..;)
Thanks Ma..for that "wonderful" makeover..hee..
We headed to a Kopitiam somewhere for lunch..
And then to Raffles City..changed my contact lenses..
Took the train with Ma and headed to Sengkang,,
Ma got down at Serangoon to go home..

Met Nadiah and Precious for dinner..
Then went walking around..
I swear that pair of Converse shoes are to DIE for..
Gotta get them..Gotta get them..Gotta get them..;0
Precious and I headed to a quiet corner and cuddled..
I love your cuddles..hugs and warmth dear..
And you're kisses are amazing..
I love you..
Pls keep warm tonight?
I'll keep little Brownie warm for us ok?

Griselda;
Hahahaha...you know nothing!!
Muahahahha...-evil grin-
See you around..

"You know when you give your love away..
It opens your heart,
Everything is new.
And you know time will always find a way
To let your heart believe it's true.

You know love is everything you say;
a whisper,a word,
promises you give.
You feel it in the heartbeat of the day.
You know this is the way love is.

You know love may sometimes make you cry,
so let the tears go.
they will flow away.
For you know love will always let you fly..
-how far a heart can fly away..

You know when love's shining in your eyes..
it may be the stars..
fallen from above..
And you know love is with you when you rise..
for night and day belong to love.."

Just got back from town with Yani..
Had alot of fun with her..whheee...
Hmm..we met and went to Heeren..
Got myself a few Cds and got lost in Flash and Splash..
We walked and walked and got approached by a model company..
Bought myself a bag on the way..
We walked and walked and ended up in Far East..
We decided to eat..and then walk around..
So we did just that..and went looking around for whatever's nice..
We went to lips and there we saw Ravi..He said something and I knew
exactly what he was talking about.."you avoiding us?"
Hmm..She'd been there..She must have told them something..
Can't really care less about what you told them..
Can't really be bothered because I've better things to do..
Like maintain my life..Do you have one?
I simply told them how I felt and stuff..
Oh..and I got this really nice Gothic skirt..;)
Anyway..yeah..I think what your shrink told you is right..
Age difference..and maturity level..Now do you get it?
Starting to make sense huh? heh..I'm glad..I'm glad..
I think you're better of with an older woman..a #$%&&
or a *%^$&@# or maybe a @#$%**..;)
I've wasted quite some time of my life being led on..
The worst things that happened before? hmm..
They're forgotten..The good times? hmm..
They might leave some memories..but may be forgotten..
Since you know..you took everything away from me..
Since when were you ever in need of money?
I really really hope you're some kind of millionaire now..
Get the girls any and everything they want yeah?
Treat them like delicate darlings but at the same time..
Drive them crazy..They'll love you for that..
Oh well..case closed..
I'm happy and you're contented..How could we describe
FREEDOM!!!!..
It's good you believe in God again..
Remember dumping your cross in my dustbin?
Wow..that really must've hurt,God..
God bless you,man..

*ahem*..them aside..
I'm happy with what I have now..
And what I am now..
I'm myself again..
Things are changing for the better now..*grins*
My grandfather's leg is still intact..
My grandma's beginning to talk about sane things..
(thank God..No more talking to dead people..)
Hmmm..My ma's toning down..(miraculously)..
And my Angel's taking good care of me..

My sweetheart loves Orange..;)
Honey..I want to go back to that Thursday too..
We did have alot of fun and felt free..didn't we..?
I'm sorry everywhere we go we bump into people
who ask dumb questions that irritate us..
It'll stop soon k? I promise..
Just shut them out when things like that happen alright,dear?
We've a right to be free..and do what we want..
I'm cherishing you..with every beat of my heart..
I love you..
You don't need me to say that..
You can sense and feel it without me being there..
Your blessed with that rare gift..;)
your mine now..
"We belong together.."

I've just heard that my grandfather's leg might be amputated..
Poor fellow..And poor mum because she has to run around
helping him and my grandma too right?
She never gets time off..I don't even get to see her that much..
Ah...whatever..

You know what?
I'm feeling so much better today..
I didn't get up on the wrong side of the bed..
I just feel..great..
Hmm..you know..I'm really glad..
I'm glad that you're happy..and I'm happy..
I can't be bothered with what you're doing..
and you can't be bothered with what I'm doing..
Wow..this just feels reeeeeaaaalllyyyy great..=)
Hmm..I'm not sure what I wanna do today..
Maybe I'll go to town? and walk around?
And get the two Cds that I can finally get!
My uncle gave me HMV vouchers..
Did I already tell you that?
Oh well..There's enough to grab two Cds..
And that's what I'll do today..

Sigh..She's cooking now..
I want a BITE!!!
I wish she could go out with me today..
But oh well..tomorrow's gonna be a better day!!!
uh huh..I know I'm nuts..
and you know what?
I'm hungry as well!!
So i'll go eat...and you do what the F**k you like alright?
Now..SCRAM!!!

Beryl;
Thanks alot.. we really should just sit and talk one day..
We can just talk for hours can't we? =)
See you soon..and take care..

I should've listened to her..
She said wait awhile and give them time..
I thought it didn't make sense but now it does..
Yani and Nadia are coming..
Beryl might come too..
Gaya just asked if I could go out tmr..
I guess these are my realy true friends..
I apologize for saying things about my friends..
They really do know I need them..
Thanks alot guys..=)
You mean the world to me!!
I'm quite high now..wheeee....

Anyway..sweets is watching Narnia now..
Hope she's taking care and having a good time..
As for me? I'm still on the alcohol..
Tata..

Forgive me for all my rants and rambling..

I feel like absolute shit right now..
Just absolute shit..I was just thinking..
Of all the wonderful friends I have..
Only one or two are true friends..
Not mentioning any names..but..
Seriously..is coming to a party so troublesome?
I called quite a number of people..
Only one bothers to come...Whether or not she's late..
The others? One says "I"ll only com if she comes.."
The other.."who's going? I don't wanna be a loner.."
????? Fine then..Be contented with yourselves yeah?
So much for looking forward to a better Christmas this year..
I'm just gonna drink my life away while waiting for Gaya to come..
She's having a shitful day..or days maybe..so I got her drinks as well..
If you think something's gonna happen..keep dreaming my darlings..

I'm super miserable now..Drinks pls..
Sigh..We became close at one point of time but it ended the minute I met someone else..
So whatever happened with her is the past..Not going to repeat that..not now..not ever..
And that someone else has failed to show me that I can spend a long time of my life
with her..Through your actions..your words..your thoughts and whatever comes out of you..
"sometimes I think you undermind my authority.." WOw..That makes such a great impact..
It plays and haunts my head every now and then..
Happy you left your mark?

Anyway..I've just heard that Gaya's not coming..
and Yani might not come..depending on her dad..
Hmm..can't blame her either..Her dad's really strict..
No worries k? Come when you can..I'll go busy myself in the kitchen..
(with the alcohol) hooray..!
You know what?
I think you don't understand..It doesn't always mean that the two of us
is enough for each other at Christmas..I really need all my friends..
But argh..nevermind alright?
I don't think it's Christmas anymore..
So there..my rants and rambling..you want some more?
let me know pls..thank you very much...

Sweets..;
I'd just like to know..why you're so worried and scared..
She's just a friend..whatever happened..happened..
It's not going to happen again..I swear..
Please don't be scared anymore..please?
I don't think she's even coming..
Trust me? ok?

To all..;
Merry Christmas..and a Happy New Year...

Do they know it's Christmas?

You know..I seriously pity those you can't celebrate Christmas..
The poor..the orphans..the Tsunami victims..sigh..
I have every opportunity to indulge in any and everything..
But I choose not to..It's not like I have a choice anyway..
Everything that's not suppose to happen..happens..
It can't be helped..I believe they all happened for a reason..
It better be a good reason..because this year's Christmas SUCKS!
Wanna know why?
Here's why..

My dad's overseas..My grandma (my mum's mum) is ill..
So is my grandfather (my dad's dad)..He's in hospital..
And the hospital's in Johor..So he's spending Christmas there..
Away from his family..and on top of that..
My parents are rioting with my aunt and uncle and my other grandma..
It's become so bad that if I were to go near my uncle..My dad will say he
has a tendency to molest me or somethinglike that..
What the F**k! Why would he do that? He has a partner..(or two)..
But worse of all..I miss my source of Happiness..
I didn't get to see her on Christmas eve..nor today..
and i doubt i'll see her tomorrow?
I can't take all this..I really can't..
Maybe that's why I drank yesterday and today and..
Oh! tomorrow i'll be drinking too..I'm starting to think if this is becoming
my hobby..It really is fun..hmmm..

Anyway..I went to Indochine on Friday..the place rawks..!!
But it was super packed..It was not really that fun..
I saw Gough..Min Qi..and Regina? Oh well..don't know her..
Hmm..had fun and all..it seems Wayne's also been clubbing alot..
Hope she enjoys herself and stuff..
Hmm.New Years is coming..Man..I don't know what I'll be doing..
I'll be alone again I guess..If not..I can always call the fun group of ppl..
Gaya and the gang..or I could just stay home with my Ma..or bring her out
somewhere for drinks..Hmm..you know..I guess she's toned down quite abit..
Because she's so..i don't know..to me..she seems drugged..=)
But she lets me go clubbing and she lets me drink..with her..
and when I asked if she wanted to go drinking someday somewhere..
She said.."It better be soon or I'll just die here.." cool aye??
Well..that's my Mum for you..

I'm having a party tomorrow at my place..
The one I want to be there..can't be there..
Because of family restraints..Can't blame her though..
Her family's really stuck together like glue..
I really envy her family..Why can't mine be like that?
Maybe it's because each of us find joy in different things..
Whatever it is..this year's ending badly for me..
Alright..i'm sick now..and Christmas is ending in 5 minutes..
"Baby..let's spend the last few minutes in each other's arms.."
Of course..what could be more satisfying and soothing?

"Fall..on your knees..
Oh hear..the Angel voices..
Oh night..divine..
Oh night..When Christ was born..
Oh night..divine..
Oh night..Oh night divine.." -Oh Holy Night..

I'm back..

I'm back from the chalet..
It was supposed to be a relaxing chalet..
For me..my ma..and my ma's friend..
but nooooooo..Ryan had to come along..
He's being dumped at our house because his parents are painting the house..
Why can't he be there? Why must he be here?
He's such a %^%^95769%^(%^567 BRAT!
Nevertheless..I had fun smacking him when my ma asked me to..=)
I know what his problem is..because I've encoutered such people before..
I recognised the same actions..the same words..and the same looks..
Sigh..He's lacking attention..attention that can't be given because of restraints..
His parents are busy..my ma is busy..My maid's busy looking after my grandma..
and I'm busy too..with..err..you know? things..
argh..who wants to look after this brat?
Kindly let me know..thank you very much..

Hmmm..yesterday..I felt so free..
My source of happiness came to the chalet at 10+a.m..
I had my bath and we left for town..
Took the nice long train ride to town..
Got off at orchard and headed to Borders..
Then we were off to Taka to get my source's of happiness's present..
It felt wierd to get it wrapped with her around..
Anyway she knew what I wanted to get her in the beginning..right?=)
After that..we walked around Taka and found ourselves in Watsons..
Tried on the new maybelline makeup and we both laughed..
Hmm..went to the Nike shop and saw this gorgeous jacket..
It was white and gold..Oh man..I've gotta get that!!
Then..we headed to Citylink Mall..
Looked around and she chose nice bags for me..
But I didn't get them because I was broke by then..
Anyway..on the way..we popped into HMV and tested out Cds..
The Mike Shinoda's cd sounds really promising..=)
Anyone wants to get me that Cd for Christmas?
Looking forward to that yeah?

We headed to Marina Square after that..
Walked around like we've never been to a shopping centre..
Then I thought i saw a familiar face..It was her..
It was who i know as 'red fish'
She called out to me and we chatted..She asked how Wayne and I was doing..
I told her we broke up and she asked when we broke up..not why..
Until I asked her about her break up with Sean..
After that..we walked around and headed to esplanade..
Hmm..-grins- we walked around and she brought me to this shop..
It was such a heavenly place..Everything was so cute..
She got me a bear..It's not just a bear..It's got a heart..
and his own B.C..Don't you ever touch him..
Go get your own..

We went to P.S after that and took pictures..
It was really.Awwww...heh..
Then we took the train back to her area..from there..
I took a bus back to the chalet..Sigh..
I felt lonely again..but i knew i was still free...
That was enough to soothe me..=)
Well..that was my day yesterday..
I'm exhausted but i'm hungry..
might go look for something to eat in the kitchen..
So for now..go get busy or something..

"Some find it in the face of their children..
Some find it in their lovers' eyes..
Who can deny the joy it brings..
When you've found that special thing..
You're flying without wings.."

was just thinking about that song..

Hmm..just got up..still kinda tired..
but oh well..gotta go get ready and meet beryl..
then head to school for band..
hopefully the guards let us in without making all
the F**king fuss about this and that..Bloody
useless pieces of shit..
All they do is just sit there..
Mind you..there's one male and one female..
They SUCK!
Who knows..maybe they'll be having fun taking turns
to please each other when we walk in..hee..
Ah..whatever..
Leave me alone..

I'm going bonkers!!

and i don't even know why..
tried to take a nap at 3pm and set the alarm for 4.30..
i kept waking up..hearing voices in my head..
and not to mention the tossing and turning.
which my mum could hear from outside my room..
Sigh..I doubt it's e new bed..It's been fine all e while..
I think it's just e thoughts in my head..
i've got alot on my mind right now..alot..
hmm..let's see..

I've gotta get presents..
(That'll be on Thursday..so no worries)
I've gotta go for nadiah's concert on Friday..
and i've to rush down for clubbing straight after that..
that really bothers me..Thank god the concert's at Raffles place..
because i really really hate to rush from one place to another..
on a f**king Friday..! I hate the bumpers..
Man..i don't even know what i'll be wearing..
Oh well..there's always something in the cupboard..
There better be..after clearing out three quarters of my room..

Hmm..recieved an email from dad..
He's in Chicago now..i think..
He asked how everything's going at home here..
and he asked how my new room is..
Well..not new room..basically..He just repainted it a darker blue..
(although i wanted dark purple..they insisted that it'll remind me of..nevermind)
anyway..i put a small chandelier and another.."vintage" light up..
The bed's a sofa bed..when i fold it up..the room becomes so spacious..
that i can roll around on the floor..yeah ok..i've tried it..alright?
my room's actually really small..that's why i'm so happy with the space..
everything just looks different..i'm really thankful for having a dad to do all that..
by himself..just for me..=) thanks Dad!!

well now..tomorrow i'll be meeting Beryl for lunch..
then head down to school for band awhile..
i'm thinking we're gonna be talking for a very very long time..=)
because we didn't really get to chat much at the chalet..
can't wait to get out of the house tomorrow..
been at home the whole day..and that's a miracle alright?
I've been going out everyday..and if i don't..i'll go crazy..
like today..I had nothing better to do but to cook random stuff..
and disturb my mum while she bakes the cookies and tarts..
I played with the floor and did mischief in the kitchen..
you come over for Christmas and my ma will tell you everything..

Alrighty then..i'm gonna see what mischief i can do around..
Hmm..but before that..i was just thinking..
I should go and borrow some Vcds to watch..
Either that..or rotting it is..
Ok..get lost!...

I cannot take this any longer...!

Bored outta my wits..
and i'm soooo not loving it..
Today's gonna be really boring..
unless..someone calls me to go out..OR..
I go out by myself to look for stuff..
Decision shall be made later..too lazy still..
I just woke up by the way..
I've been waking up without an alarm clock..
at 11.45 on the dot..isn't that strange..
for four days in a row..on the dot..
well..maybe not to you..but I find it strange..

Oh well..i'm really very very hungry and i smell food..
It's rather haunting so i think i shall eat a little ..
then decide what i'd like to do with myself today..
GRRRRrr..why do parents have to be so strict?
It's e holidays,damn it..old-fashion perhaps?
Screw the rules and regulations in e house!!
Hmm..oh woops..i forgot..respect..
hope you can make it for thursday yeah?
Sigh..it's difficult but it's definitely worth waiting for..
Ok now..Shoo..

Griselda;
how did you find my blog?
Hmm? heh..yeah..i'll link ya..
As for the details of Band chalet..
I'll explain things to you myself?
=) take care..

I couldn't have smiled any wider today..

It all started at 6+ in the a.m..
Nope..you don't really need to know what happened..
coz..for one thing..it's a BAD idea to say it here..
and also..no word can describe my happiness..
So yeah..there you have it..One happy Melly..
After a long time..long long time..very long time..
(Yes..after avery long time..I hope we all get that?)
unfortunately..the source of happiness had to make it's way somewhere else..
But..i wasn't left unhappy..uh uh..

After that..I took a short nap till 'bout 2pm..
Got up to take a shower and yada yada yada..
Then made mum agree to go to town with me to get something..
And she walked ever so slowly everywhere..and that kinda made me boil..
I like to walk fast..err..except for when i'm wearing heels..
and she just took her time to glide through the crowds..
Despite the fact that i kept looking at my watch purposely so that she'll hurry..
But NO..she didn't get the hint..Ah well..That's my Ma for you..
Funny..crappy..but really warm and sensible..=)
So we went to town..and on the way to Cine..
we saw this couple,i suppose..fighting..
"Shut up,you bastard!" said the Ah Lian..
And the boy..without any words coming outta his mouth..
just simply took her by the hand and tried to shove her on e road..
Mind you..Cars were turning into that lane..
But then again..I think that was his intention? Hmm..
My ma HAD to stop and stare at them and listen..
Then she HAD to make a remark..because the girl kept shouting only two words..
She said.."Really Mel..Does that girl only know that two words? Wow.."
Heh..mummy mummy..=)
Proceeded after much persuasion to Cine and bought a lovely wallet..
After that i rushed down to compass to meet the source of happiness..

I found out that it was Ms Lim's last day teaching..
Sigh..She's really a wonderful woman..
You should just take time to watch and learn her moves..
because they really can get you to learn and know things..
I wish you all the best Ms Lim..=)
Hmm..walked around Compass for awhile..got Ryan his gift..
Then ate the most awful tasting Green Tea ice cream ever made..
You should've seen our faces when we ate it..F***..
I bet shit tastes better..yeah right..
well anyway..After that..#$&$ %^&%* %^78568 %^&*
and then ^*%^* %^*%^* &*)856#%6..
yeah..so that was my day..

I..am still very very bored..feel like drinking a little..oh wait..
I'd better save it for Friday..It better be good..
because i've been looking forward to that day..
Hmm..well now..pretty tired..and my cramps have decided to re-visit..
But i've got "things" to get busy with.=) hee hee hee..
wrapping presents la..! what were you thinking?!

Hmm..

I'm thinking..doing this wasn't a good idea after all
Ah..but what e hell..

You know..I did what i did for a reason..
but would you believe that? uh uh..
Instead..you go pushing things in my face..
thought i couldn't handle..i could..
with e help of my old brain coming back..
Yes..my old brain..like i said eariler..
my brain has been washed..twisted and turned..
And e outcome? Ta dah!!! Disappointment in my friends..
Oh..and not to mention..Wierd behavior and not being myself..
I'm not saying everything is your fault..It isn't..
I just can't believe I let myself fall into a dark hole..

You know me..i'm not one who's independent..
Those who've known me for a very long time..like yani..and sherianne..
Would know that i've always been shy..and scared of everything..
Well..not anymore..NOT anymore..I wasn't scared to fight back..
All i needed was a push and a slap and i woke up..
Sigh..

You know..you have everything you want now..
I don't..I look at you and i'm envious..
But after awhile..If i had what you have..
I'd be really spoilt..wait..That's what happened..
for awhile..i suppose..
I was spoilt..and i almost forgot about everything else..
Thank God it isn't too late..
You tore off your crucifix and dumped it in my trashbin..
Whatever for? and Wherever did u get such an idea in your head?
That if u prayed for CANCER..you'd get it?
I'm sure God has better things to do..my dear..
Not make ppl sick..but however..HE does things for a reason..
Not just by request..hmm..i should shut up and get myself to church soon..
Praying on my own won't help will it?
The person that needs my prayers the most is my Grandma..
I call her "nanny"..She's 87..
She hallucinates every few minutes about random things..
and talks about ppl that have died more than 30 years back..
Sigh..she's to be fed milk through tubes..
Changing her diapers hurts her..Not to mention the slightest touch or movement..
Well..I'm not prepared for her to leave..not now..not yet..
I love you Nanny..hold on for Christmas?

Ok..Ryan's calling me to play with him..
We've gotten abit closer after bringing him to watch Chicken Little..
heh..err..He's my god bro by the way..yeah..
ok now..Thinking if i should actually go back for band tmr..
especially after what happened at the band chalet.
I can't believe that they did such a thing..BRATS..
Show some respect would you?
oh..woops..I forgot ya'll don't know what respect is..
Ah..what e hell..
Scram......!!!

Pain pain pain..

Sigh..words fail me to explain the almost unbearable pain..
The cramps are just getting to me..Ah well..
Nature isn't it?

Hmmm..lazed around yesterday..
Did practically nothing..coz..
1. I felt like crap.
2. What was there to do?
(except play around with toy cars with My god bro..)
Hey..I have to say it's quite fun..
Duh..When you're F***ing BORED..
heh..Oh well..

Anyhow..with or without the cramps..i went to town..
with my ma and my god bro..
Didn't feel like looking around much..
But..When we got to Heeren..
Miraculously..my cramps were gone in an instant..;)
Looked around..and saw many nice things..
but of course..The wallet hadn't gotten it's allowance yet..right mum?
"When mum,When?"

You know..i actually went to heeren with an intention to buy a cd..
I left the building without buying a cd..
coz..I forgot..;)
But there's always today?
Alright..gotta get ready now..
Gonna visit my friend's mum who passed away earlier this year..
and Damn,i'm cold..!

Beryl;
Thank you so much for helping out..
you're really a gem..! ;)
Love ya loads..

Saturday,17th December

A Blog at last..

Hooray..Now i can stop hiding....
Been hiding for too long..But why didn't I show myself much earlier ?
Hmm..maybe it's because..
I don't have to explain myself..
I have my reasons..

Many things have happened in my life..
History has repeated itself..good or bad,that is..
My brain was being put on a merry-go-round..(wheee..how fun is that?!)
I was not being myself for quite some time..
It may have affected a few people..random people..and people whom I love very much..
Things took a turn to e much more brighter side..A side a couldn't handle?
I'm much more comfortable in the..what you may call.. darker side,thank you very much..

Well..Shit has happened..
(I should say it happens pretty often,yeah?)
I suppose you know what i mean by Shit happens right?
I stirr shit..you stirr shit..I blame you..you blame me..
I scream..you scream..we all scream for ice-cream..
Ah...whatever..
whether you get my point or not..
I don't care..at all..

On a lighter note..
What you see is what you get..
Don't like it? Leave..
But however..Enjoy your life..