NOW I'm in a bad mood..
I read your blog..
I'm not the best..
You say it to me..
You say that I'm great..
But it's not how it seems..
I know there are things you feel
weighed down by..
Do you realise it?
It's getting worse..
You think that by not telling me..
I won't know..
You're wrong..
To you..I have a life that's
spent with you..
To me..I feel like I've no life at all..
This weighs me down..
The fact that I always tell you things..
But you don't..If you haven't started opening
up..When are you gonna start?
Sometimes you only care about yourself..
Not me..not others..
You run to me when you need help or when
something's bothering you..That's fine..
But when I help you..You push it till later
or you reluctantly heed my advice..
That hurts..
The fact that you thought you can tell
the future..as in tell what I"m gonna do..?
That hurts..because it's not me to do something
like that..Understand?
you were so damn confident that I'd do something
like that..fine..
you weren't so apologetic..
Sigh..And you didn't exactly make it up to me..
You're getting different and different each time..
I'm getting confused..
Maybe you think it's fine..
But I feel strange..really..
Know why I'm not telling you about it yet?
It's coz I think I should wait..If it continues..
then I'll tell you..sigh..
For now..
Just go with the flow..
Don't try and make things better because it's only
up to fate..

Yesterday was ALOT
of fun..I haven't seen yani
so hyper like that in a very
long time..
As for Ash and Shalini..HAHA..
;) You shouldn't put them
together unless you want
World War 3..;)
And OH my GOD..
Yesterday at Heeren..
There was this girl
all dressed as a pontianak with
the white makeup and long black
wig and everything!!!
She was soooo cool and amazing
and she acted real well..!;)
And then I told Ash to go grab a pic
of her and she did..
Only thing is..She was moving so much
and the pic was blur..
We were wondering what she was doing
and then this guy came and interviewed me
and Ash..He asked us what we thought about
her and stuff..And we gave our names..
And my name MIGHT come out in the
STRAITS TIMES...!! ;)
Whhheeeee!!! ;) I just hope it does..

Images of yesterday..




THere was something missing yesterday..
Precious wasn't there..;(
I miss her so so much..
I didn't get to see her
yesterday..
And I can't see her today and
tomorrow too..
Sigh..
What can I do to keep myself
occupied??
GrRRRrrrrr.......

Anyhow..not going anywhere today..
TOo lazy to..And Dad's being
a bitch..YES...a BITCH!



I know I didn't take care of you..
I know..

Been busy the pass few days..
Sigh..
But I enjoyed being with my new
friends..;)
They rock!
Woooot!

Hmm..so anyway..
I've got class from 1 to 4..
(dread it but SHalini makes it sooo
damn interesting..!!)
Then after that..meeting Ash and
Anqi and GOd knows who else..
And I think we're gonna play pool..
Either that or I don't know what..
Heh..I just hope An qi doesn't
get irritated and start whining..-_-

Oh! I've just heard that my god bro
and his mum bumped into my ex..
Ah well..


Tata..


Trust me..
If you trust me..
You won't feel scared..

-Class.
-Home.
-Napped.
-Compass Point-ed.
-Studied.
-Sent Precious home.
-Home.
-Ate.
-Dieded.

Hi.I'm in a terribly bad
mood..Thanks to Precious's
words..
Not gonna say much..
Just one question..
Is that how you know me by?
Alrighty then..
;''''(
You hurt me deeply..
Hope you see this.



Leave me alone..
just leave me alone..

Hmm..
I don't know why but I
couldn't blog yesterday..
My com just wouldn't
publish my damn entry!!
Grrrrr...

Well anyway..There's time
now..so..we shall kill time..
Class was alright..Fat boy
didn't walk home with me today..
We took different buses
because he went off the
smoke..but the Fat boy smiled at
me and my friend..heh..;)
So round and rolly polly..heh..
Ok..I don't know what I'm talking
about..

I had no idea that Precious's
mid-years started already..
And I can still happily ask
her over and cooked for her..;)
She's no paper today but still
has to go to school..I guess the
teachers don't trust them to
study on their own huh..
We got the same treatment
last year..and I know how that feels..
And you know what?
I wish I was feeling it now..
as in really experiencing all that all over
again..I can only dream on..
The fact I should accept is that I have
to experience that some other place..
Where there's no one to push you..
Because they don't care at all..
Sigh..whatever..

Waiting for time to fly so that I can
get ready to go to PS with my mum
and meet Precious there..
Hope we don't bump into people
we don't wanna see..
That'll really be a bummer..
And yeah..my mum and I hate our
shopping time to be disrupted..
Take our word for it..

I cooked just now..
Just merrily whipped up something
not knowing exactly what..
but oh well..Dad says my cooking's
getting better..;) wheee...
I can cook 'complicating' dishes and
cakes and pastries and pies and..
Oh no..I have one more thing to learn
how to make..desserts..
Oh man..I gotta learn how to make
desserts by 5th of May..
Because the 6th of May is my special
day with my all-time favourite girls..;)
An Qi..Yani..Fido..Norizan and Fazi..
I hope everyone can make it..
I'm gonna stuff them with all my cooking..
MUAahahahaha..
Ok no..I'm gonna serve them food on a
nice silver plate and with platinum silver
cutlery and drink from tall antique
glasses..hehhehe..;)
Ok you what? I really don't know what I'm
typing and a U()#WRjioanskdl;asdb;ab
asdhjk;asd; i;asjdfkl jkl'id39q-jsop
hasd;kla ..
So yeah..I better go..



So..you'll take my hand..
Right till the end?
I'm saving forever for you.

Ok..you know what?
I've been eating and eating
and I know I've said this
like..not long ago..
But I BETTER STOP EATING!!
Well..at least not in between meals..
I just got my arms toned and now
they're flabby-ing up..heh..;)
Gotta stop..gotta stop..

Class was alright today..
Except I went to 'smart mouth'
at some point and the teacher asked..
"So why do you think this is so,doll?"
I was like Wtf! I knew what he meant..
But yeah..I kept my cool and just
explained the thingy firmly but not rudely..
Bastard..

Anyhow..Came home fast to eat dad's
cooking..Mum and I were supposed to
head to town but then we got lazy..
I regret..We should've gone out and walked
off some flubber..heh..;)
We should tomorrow..
I really wanna go check out some things..
Shall have a photoshooting session with mum..
Hope my plans don't get ruined..
Hmm..anyway..Precious came over and we got
bored because there was no show to watch and
so we fell asleep..
then woke up and had chocolate cake..
I'm telling you..That's about 1kg and a half I put on..
Heh..;)
Then Precious went home..
And I ate somemore..All thanks to mum's
great stuffed mushrooms..
My GOD! I better stop..I really should..
Ok ok..enough..
Gonna watch Crimewatch..




This won't be long..
I will be strong..

Yesterday was very much
a relaxing day..
But then again..hearing what
I heard from Qila was very very
disturbing..
Sigh..
How can I not let that get to me?
Double sighs..

Anyway..Yesterday after class
I went to meet An qi and the rest
came along..
We walked and walked and walked
around..The initial plan was to go
to K-ster but then I had NO mood
at all..I wanted to shop..not go singing..
Hmm..after that Yani and Marissa
came and we met them at Far East..
Yani was SUPER duper excited to see
An qi..heh..;) You should've seen Yani's
expression..haha..Damn hilarious..;) ;)
Anyhow..after that An Qi and I cabbed
back to her place and I saw Jay JAY!!
;) He's soooooo adorable..
Headed home after that..

Hmm..was supposed to go to Venus's
BBq today but then I got so tired..
And I didn't really fance travelling all the
way to East Coast..and (imagine this)..
Paying 10 bucks to eat the food there..
Eat shit..Why would I do that?
I mean..Ok..it's your birthday..
If you want people to pay to eat there..
No way in hell are you gonna get much
pressies..
heh..So yeah..instead..I'm going to church
at 2 with my mum..
I don't know why I suddenly wanted to go..
but yeah..I'm not going there for the wrong
reasons like I did before..I'm going there
to clear my mind and pray for
forgiveness so that my doubts can be
cleared..

I dread coming back tonight though..
I heard from my mum that my Dad's
very very angry with me or my bill..
It's 140 bucks!
I better pay him back..
sigh..

Precious..I don't know how else to
put it to you..
I just can't message you so much..
I've been trying so hard to tell you that
but you keep wanting to know this and
that and how am I not to message you??
One day when my phone gets taken
away..That's when you'll find it really
hard..
But then you know what?
You only tend to tell me things by sms..
When you talk to me on the phone you don't
talk much..
;(
This is getting bad..
I hope you prove me wrong..



It's just so wrong..
so very wrong..

Classes this afternoon
were alright today..;)
Got to see my new friends..
and made another new one
I think..:)
They're all nice..

Thank God tomorrow's
class is at 11am..not 8..
I hope Dad tranfers my money
to my account tonight..
I wanna buy a new pair of
heels that I've been eyeing
for a week or so!
They're really lovely and I
HAVE to get them!
If I don't spend my money on
other things..then I'll get
another pair..woo hoo!!!;)
I better have all the fun I want
until Sunday because I really
gotta start revising..
NOW I'm shitting in my pants..
I better not screw up again
this time..
If not I have to work day and night
to pay daddy back the thousands of
dollars he's spent on me..
I don't quite like to even think of
that..so yeah..
I've found the most perfect place
FAR from home to study..
and I think it's gonna be frequently
visited by me..No one can make a sound
there..unless of course you wanna
get out..

Oh yeah..I think I have to stop eating
from tomorrow onwards..
I've been craving and consuming for
too long..all because of Crimson tide..
and it better stop before I complain even
more about being fat..heh..

I'm super shacked right now..
As usual..And I better sleep
early..NO wait..I'll sleep after
the malay scary show I always
watch..

Tata...



I'm on my own..
A million miles away..

Sigh..I got up so early
to get dressed and left the
house late..
Got to class and the clerk told
me that the teacher cancelled the
class at the last minute because
she was admitted into hospital..
I just hope she's alright..

Waiting for mum's 'specialty'
spaghetti..She better hurry because
I gotta leave for Dhoby Ghaut in 20
minutes!! I really really really want
time to pass really fast..really really
fast..
At least I get to eat today..but I
don't wanna sit through the 2.30
to 5 class!!! I can die in there!
There are no windows and I'm
very very scared of closure..
I know there's a word for it but yeah..
I CAN'T spell it!
So nevermind..;)

I'm really tired..
I don't know what's
keeping me up on my two legs..
Whatever it is..If it's gone..
That's it..
Oh well..Off I go..



Trust is all it takes..
But people make mistakes..

Yesterday was Precious's
Birthday..Poor thing went
home not finding a cake
but only to a family that
was family..
Siblings fighting..her mum
getting angry at them and
her dad not being home..
So today after class..
I rushed home and made a
small cake for her..
Brought sparkling candles
along for her too..
Surprised her with the cake..
;)
Today happened to be our
4th month too..So yeah..
a 2 in 1 celebration..heh..
So we ate the cake and
ants had their share too..
Man..there were alot of them!
Anyhow..I had alot of fun with
her..She's really more patient than
anyone else can be..She sat down
while I tried many many pairs
of shoes in the shops but not
buying anything..Gotta wait till
pay day..;)

Anyway..tomorrow is THURSDAY
which spells HECTIC DAY for me..
Jesus..I'll be out from 8 to 5pm..
How am I gonna get through the day..
I have absolutely no time to eat..
I can't even take a piss..
No..I mean it..I can't..
I can't be late for class..If not the door
will be locked..thanks to late comers..
Grrrrr....

Hee..;) I love Precious..

Oh my God..
My head's spinning..
I'm not blaming anyone
but myself..
It's just so DAMN easy
for people to just take
advantage of me..ain't it?
hmm?
The best part is that there
are so many ways..
Here's how..

1) You do something to hurt
me and decide that it's not
important for me to know..
so you just keep quiet..

2) You do something to hurt me
and purposely don't tell me so
that I can find out for myself
later..and then get hurt..

3) You do something to hurt me
and just keep it to yourself when
you actually need to tell me but
you're scared I might blow up..

4) You do something which is
VERY much obvious to other
people that it's hurting me
but you do it anyway maybe
because you think you're not
doing anything wrong..

See what I mean?
These things happen to me
most of the time..
I just thank God it doesn't
happen like..continuously..
But I can tell you one thing
though..
I'm getting pretty upset and
sick and tired about this whole
thing..
I can tell you who's doing all this
to me..
I can tell you that it's not intentional..
(Duh..you don't know that you're
hurting me)
I can tell you that if you were to know
who was actually doing all this..
You will NOT AT ALL believe who
it is..
You will say that I'm over reacting
and that I'm just paranoid..
Well F**k you..
I'm not..
this is getting all over me and I'm up to
the point where enough is enough..
But the sad thing is that..
I can't do anything about this..
At least not for now..
Reason being..You have important
things to take care of and so do I..

But I hope you get my hint..
I hope you realise soon...
I hope you realise by yourself
the things you've been doing
to me and God knows who else..
I'll give you the benefit of an
adult if you can see for yourself
what you're doing..
If not..maybe you'd like a taste
of your own medicine..
But on second thought..I'd rather
not..
I'd like the benefit of an adult too..

Whatever it is..
I hope we both know what we're
doing..
I hope I can refrain from
doing what I wanna do..

You take things a little too
lightly..
Or perhaps..I take things a
little too seriously?




WHY ARE YOU SO BLIND?
WAKE UP!!!

Happy Birthday
Precious!!!!;)

Precious is coming over soon..
She's stuck at the bus stop now
because it's raining..
Shall go wait for her to take her
home..;)

Got up on the wrong side
of the bed this morning
but went to school because
I had to..
Oh..there's a new teacher and
oh my god..He reminds me so much of
one of my exes..
They speak the same way..walk the
same way..have somewhat the same
facial features..body shape and all that..
I got a shock when I first saw him..
Oh man..I have to face him every Mondays
and Tuesdays..
At least he's funny..and you know what?
He has got to relate most things to sex..
Either that or to either a female or male
genital area or other parts..
heh..Actually..it's a good pick up in the
morning..
NO..I'm NOT a sex maniac..heh..
Oh..but there's this boy in my class
who started telling a story of how this
guy in NS screwed another guy..
And they used butter...for you know..?
and then the teacher said.."They used
butter? Not KY-Jelly?? My goodness..
Lucky none of this happened when I was
in NS.."
Haha..my GOD! I don't see how this is
related to Maths..;)

Well anyhow..after that..I went grocery
shopping and came home to make
Precious's Shepard's Pie..
It's my mum's recipe but I made it
myself..
I was looking through the cook books
and I told my mum I wanted to make
something by myself tomorrow and
I heard my dad say.."Oh shit..here we go
again.."
Fine then!..I'll cook for just Precious and
myself..you pieces of shit..

Argh..Yesterday An qi had a thousand and one
job interviews and we travelled almost around
the whoooooooole of Singapore and we were
wearing heels..My feet are aching terrubly and
I'm considering whether to go for a foot
massage tomorrow..
Hmmmm....

Ok..I better go check on the pie and then go
get ready to get Precious from the bus stop..
My womb is hurting..sigh..
Pls don't tell me crimson tide's coming..

I sense something..
I feel like something happened and someone's
not telling me about it..Although I need to know..
I feel like someone's hiding the truth from me..
Because of fear that I might blow up..
Are you keeping something from me?
I think you are..
I better be wrong..
Because it's beginning to hurt very much..


I'm sorry but this is the way
things are...
If you don't like it..do something..

I think I don't have to say much..
The pictures are enough to show how
much fun today's Encore2 was and how
glamourous it was..;)

Today was hectic..
Tiring..Fun..Hilarious..
And what not..I'm starting
to miss today..
I didn't have so much fun
in a long time..I mean
in the band..
The fun started from the time
I got to school until the time we
all left from dinner at Compass with
Beryl..Marissa..Yani..I mai..Nadiah..
Des and Precious..;)

Well..all good things come to an end..
And yeah..Everyone has to go back to
school tomorrow..
sigh..I HAVE NO CHOICE..
Oh well..at least I'll go and just sit
there and pretend to be in the class
but actually I'm galavanting..;)
Meeting Anqi at town as soon as
class finishes..She's got 2 job
interviews..
But i'm broke..sigh..how to go
shopping with her?
She seems to be rich now..
Now that she's working and I'm not..
Hmmm...nevermind..Window shopping
would just do..;)

Off to bed I go..
I'm super shacked..
but it's all worth it..I swear...



Everything's gonna be alright..
Everything's gonna be ok..